Panama made me a Gripeaholic

I’m recovering now, but I’ve lived in panama for 6 years now and the opportunities this country affords for griping are nearly infinite. From simple product guarantees that you might as well wipe your ass with as take back to the store for redemption when the thing breaks two weeks in, to hope for encountering basic human decency and respect that most collections of humanity take for granted, nothing here is easy.

here’s a recent one:

I bought a washing machine four months ago from Casa Gala in David. $300 later we were wearing clean, fresh clothes again. Today I was at the same store buying yet another washing machine from even the same sales guy!! He already knew why I was there after my wife had already scared him half out of his pants asking about how ‘the piece of shit we bought here not very long ago stopped working’.

He offered his limp hand in a gesture of bull-shitting ( a sport here). I obliged…which brings up another gripe: after a while, much like going to the same store to re-buy the same thing, I find it MUCH easier to just not care, not get worked up, not get indignant (as in the case of the handshake) and just ignore it with that ‘fuck you guy!’ look that conveys more than any gringo rant in the store would ever offer.

Anyway, the point is, many folks’ obvious first thought of, “oh. That sucks, but it’s guaranteed – we’ll just hump it into the boat, then into the truck, then over the goddamn mountain into the nearest city (David) that sells washing machines worth buying and get a refund”

NOT.

My first thought after 6 yrs here is, ‘can I make it into something I could use or is it garbage?’ No ‘where’s the guarantee’, no ‘call the store’… if I called the store first they’d snicker as I asked to speak with the Manager and then after a long wait, I’d hear the manager snickering along with them as I rant and rave in bad spanish about customer service and basic humane consideration.

And it happens all the time with almost everything. In additon to a washing machine on this trip, we had to re-buy a blender that broke after about 2 months of use, and an MP3 player to replace our boom box that never quite worked right, and it’s a Sony! Hey a gripe about transnational corporations ( what!? only one): I’m almost certain now that they actually do send all their quality control rejects to Third World countries to sell, knowing returns and complaints will be minimal.

Thankfully, the hype I can offer regarding Panama is nearly infinite as well. Which allows me to, at one and the same time, boil my own blood and just not give a shit. By knowing that there is an amazing oceanview a stone’s throw away from almost anywhere, or a beautiful mountain valley loaded with tropical aromas to inhale, or a cheap, tasty meal around any corner, or a cool clean highland river to drink 70 cent beers by and watch my kids swim under a near permanent summer sun, by knowing all that, I can forget all the gripes.

Hello. My name is mkultra and I am a gripeaholic. I better go now because as my sponsor says, one gripe is never enough.